Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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