so that wasnt chicken after all
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
