You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize