I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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