Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
