So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
