I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
