your parents love me but you hate me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
