Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He did a backflip because drugs
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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