i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
two words...techno handjob
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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