When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
