i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
