a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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