some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
