After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
