i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
