I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
