I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
