Hey man sorry I got all grabby
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
