I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
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She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize