I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
