I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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