I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
