the condom got lost in my hair
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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