wakey wakey hands off snakey
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
