i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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