She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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