There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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