Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
