roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Your cock deserves a montage
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
