dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just want to make out with him forever
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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