Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
