Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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