A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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