dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
