I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I need to calm my uterus...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
