Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How external is "for external use only"?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
