So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
