I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
