My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
