Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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