I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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