Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
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I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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