Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
