did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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