Porn is love you can see.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Never joke about your clitoris.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
