Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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