I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
