I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
