I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
