you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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