His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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