Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
