for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
