so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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