i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
