CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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