She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
