it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
