I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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