I wish my penis had an off switch
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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