It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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