i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he high fived his dick after we had sex
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
