"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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