she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
