Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize
