Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
