Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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